Slowp0ke
12-16-2006, 02:05 PM
You Might Be A Ricer If….....
-You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
-You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
-You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
-DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
-Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
-Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
-Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
-Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
-You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
-You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
-Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
-Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
-You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
-You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
-Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
-The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
-You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
-You install clear corner and brake lights.
-You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
-You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
-You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
-If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
-If you can fist **** your exhaust tip
-Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
-You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
-You want the 'blow off valve' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
-You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
-You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
-You think a high pitched farty noise = the sound of high performance
-If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
-If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
-If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
-You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
-If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
-If you think MOBY is speed music..
-MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
-You spend $25000 on a 350z and spend your days at AutoZone looking for "performance" parts like their "collect all 9" aluminum spoilers.
-Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
-The color of your interior upholstery hurts other people's eyes.
-If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
-If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
-If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
-You think pushrods are a bad thing…
-Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
-Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1987 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
-If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
-You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
-You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
-You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
-If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
-If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
-If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
-If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
-You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
-You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
-You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
-If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop.
-You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
-If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
-If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
-You have a front wing.
-If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
-If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
-If you think colored head lights work better
-Clear tail lights and turn signals. They're colored for a REASON!
-If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
-You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
-You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
-You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
-You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
-You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
-Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
-After losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
-Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
-You are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
-Drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
-You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
-You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
.....And the Number One reason you might be a ricer if..... (drum roll).....you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment, that rolls around in a honda civic hatchback with a D series motor and thinks it is fast! ! !
-You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
-You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
-You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
-DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
-Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
-Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
-Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
-Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
-You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
-You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
-Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
-Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
-You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
-You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
-Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
-The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
-You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
-You install clear corner and brake lights.
-You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
-You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
-You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
-If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
-If you can fist **** your exhaust tip
-Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
-You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
-You want the 'blow off valve' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
-You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
-You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
-You think a high pitched farty noise = the sound of high performance
-If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
-If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
-If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
-You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
-If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
-If you think MOBY is speed music..
-MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
-You spend $25000 on a 350z and spend your days at AutoZone looking for "performance" parts like their "collect all 9" aluminum spoilers.
-Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
-The color of your interior upholstery hurts other people's eyes.
-If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
-If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
-If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
-You think pushrods are a bad thing…
-Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
-Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1987 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
-If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
-You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
-You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
-You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
-If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
-If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
-If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
-If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
-You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
-You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
-You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
-If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop.
-You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
-If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
-If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
-You have a front wing.
-If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
-If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
-If you think colored head lights work better
-Clear tail lights and turn signals. They're colored for a REASON!
-If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
-You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
-You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
-You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
-You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
-You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
-Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
-After losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
-Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
-You are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
-Drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
-You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
-You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
.....And the Number One reason you might be a ricer if..... (drum roll).....you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment, that rolls around in a honda civic hatchback with a D series motor and thinks it is fast! ! !